Best Halloween costumes EVER!
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”
“Well,” said the big gator, “what have you been eating?” “Politicians, same as you,” replied the small gator.
“Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?”
“Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.”
“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?”
“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat’em!”
“Same here.” says the big gator. “Do you eat Democrats or Republicans?”
“I eat the Democrats” says the little guy.
“Ah!” says the big gator. “I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Democrat, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.”
Just in case you forgot………………
An earth quake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East. Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments do not know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock. Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace. Saudi Arabia is sending oil and monetary assistance. Latin American countries are sending clothing. New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure. Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Donald Trump, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims.
Last night my father fell and landed on his face, knocking him self unconscious and breaking several bones under his eye. Out cold, bleeding profusely, 911 was of course called.
The EMS transported him to the emergency room. During the exam by the Dr., in an attempt to check his mental condition, he was asked if he knew who the President was.
To which my 83 year old father promptly replied, “he’s an asshole”.
They sent him home.